Long Week

It has been a long busy week, one that has sucked out the life out of me (in a positive way), pushed me in ways I've never seen possible, understood and learnt a lot from people I work with, thought through a lot about friendships and decided my action plan and perspective towards friendships, and so forth.

I've had a lot of questions, and some I find no answers to.

I worry, too, about the way people perceive me; but I guess this isn't the issue anymore. I realized that friendship starts when I start accepting myself, not the other way round. I do not need to think what people think of me.

Many a times I react to situations thinking that should I act that way, I help the opposite party. Little did I realize that I am actually sacrificing myself for that 'peace'; I should be a little more selfish, because in the end I am the one who will bear all the consequences of my altruistic self.

Not that I am very altruistic, or magnanimous; if you get what I mean.

And also, I realized another thing: the more I try being friendly to a person, the more I lose. I lose my self-respect, I lose my identity, I lose everything that is of me. It's time to stop giving so much to friendships; they are meant to be at arm's length. Because at the end of the day, people can move on, but I stay here, stuck, frustrated that despite my giving, I gain nothing.

It's better to be oneself while being a friend than to try to please the other and lose oneself.

Call it selfishness, if you may; but face it: friendships are meant to be at arm's length.