Love

Her eyes caught mine.

The world didn't stop. Time didn't stop. Everything was normal.

My heart didn't beat faster, it didn't fill with those roaring feelings teenagers squeal or boast about when they meet somebody they adore; no. Nada. Nothing. It was just... normal.

I looked into her eye.

That familiar and very irritating Jonas Brothers song popped into mind. I disregarded it.

Love, ahhh -- such a vague thing. Abstract. Intangible. I wonder if those couples out there know what love is. Or is it just a temporal fascination.

They say when guys go after girls who have not accepted them, guys are filled with egoistic gladness, because all they want is to win, win and win (and to win her over, of course) -- all these to satisfy their male ego. And once they get her, the rest is history.

You know the answers.

A. Sex

B. Kiss

C. Try and see how long you can be together. If things doesn't work out the way you want it to, no strings attached.

D. Gah~ She's easy game. NEXT!

I have seen different guys who picked different answers. After all, all of them are correct.

It's just a matter of perception.

And in the end, it's not the matter of whether it was worth it or not, it's the thrill, who hurt who, and what's her rank in his life.

Oh, she was my third ex-girl friend.

And funny how some, though having a girlfriend, go around touching other girls, calling them sisters (just for name sake and so that he will not feel that bad I must add), or being close with them.

It's the twenty-first century, come on! Let's talk now.

But yet again, it's just a matter of perception.

While guys can be macho, girls can choose to sing the hymn of feminism. Who is right and who is wrong? They're all correct, because I told you

It's just a matter of perception.

While we may have our own stands, but the cliche saying will rule almost everybody's mouths: When love comes, all is secondary.

So the question is, what is love?

How many understand love? How many take love seriously? How many care about love?

How many are selfish?

I looked deep into her eyes. Gazed deep. Not many girls are like onions. Not many have many layers to them. I have to admit I read girls like reading books and stereotyping them through the words they say, their actions and conducts, they philosophies and principles.

Sometimes, they're just like everybody - including guys - they just want to be loved.

I have talked with countless of guys who always say this macho-ly: I want to love, I want to give, I want to be somebody to somebody. But they always avoid admitting that they want someone to love them.

So as I gazed into her eyes, I realized that deep down, she desires for love. She desires for space. Yet, I still hold on to my belief that girls are innocent, pretty creatures created by God for a reason (maybe more). They deserved to be loved. Cherished.

But as everybody, they may be selfish too. Many girls I talk to (note: I didn't say every girl) want love from men, want attention from men, want this and that from men.

But seldom I hear them say: I want to love him. I want to give him attention. I want him to know I am here. I don't want him to always buy me expensive things. I don't want him to always splurge on me. But for a change, I want to let him feel that I love him. I want him to know I love him. And most of all, I want to be the reason he smiles because

his happiness is my happiness.

While debates do say very diplomatically that relationship is a two-way thing, but I wonder how many do think that the guy should give more because he is a guy?

Why have I seen so many times the girl telling the guy what he should be? Do not do this, I don't like it. Do not do that, I dislike it.

This post may sound like a vote for masculinity and against feminism, but I assure you that is not the intention. It is merely to question, is there such a thing called fair two-way relationship? Is there such thing called working together, or is it working individually but still holding hands? I do not know if I am making myself clear, but hey, if you do understand what I am saying, think about it.

Maybe love is such an abstract thing for us, so much so that we break it down and list the actions that represent love when it is more than just mere actions and mere chemical reactions in the mind and heart.

Perhaps the most understandable thing about love is its spelling.

L.O.V.E.

Love

Why

EXT. DIRTY STREETS - DARK - EVENING

HE walks along the pavement, looking sad, disheartened. HE frowns. HIS blue eyes looks across the streets. HE sees a little girl with blond hair, in pastel yellow shirt and long pink pants. SHE skips along the pavement SHE is walking at. In her hand is a little teddy bear. SHE is happy. SHE smiles and hums a melody.

HE looks forward. HE sees an old couple walking side by side. Their wrinkled hands are wrapped around each other. HE looks down. HE looks upwards, the skies. The moon shines, but is partially covered by the clouds.

HE walks past a lamp post. At the lamp post was a man, covered in black. The man catches his arm. HE is caught by surprise.

The man raises his fist. The lamp post casts light onto his face, showing the man's face partially. HE is in shocked and his eyes bulges with surprise.

HE

Kor (brother in Mandarin) --

The man punches him in the face. Hard. HE squeals and cringes in pain. HE falls to the ground. HE gets to his feet. HE looks at the man who is already far away, still walking.

HE

(softly, almost whispering)

Why?

A drip of water falls to the ground.

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.”

- Anatole France

My Fist to Heaven

I am angry. Very angry. You have no idea how angry I am. The people I have lost, the love that have escaped my fingers, the moments that had fled past me without me noticing their fleeting movements...

I am angry.

I wonder why is this world the way it is; so much hatred, so much revenges, so much distractions, so much pressure. I wonder why this world tells people to be who they are not, and why so many give in to the messages the world hums.

I am angry.

Why do people say this generation is a generation of rebellion and promiscuity? Are we just limited to such behaviors? No. We have people who are driven, people who have determination to make it in life, people who see a point in loving, people who see a reason in giving. We have people who trust, who believe, who have faith in whatever they believe in. Why do we focus on only the bad? Why are our views so narrow?

I am angry.

Why do people stereotype and make presumptions so easily? Why do people judge before fitting themselves in others' shoes? Why do people choose to criticize before understanding? Why do people seek to first please themselves?

I am angry.

The many questions I have about the life and the cruelty it brings; they might never be answered. We hear so much about making changes, but have we begun changing ourselves? We always ask people to change to fit us, so that our lives may be easier, but why can't we change to fit others? Why do we look for convenience? Is there convenience in friendship and love? Is there convenience in humanity?

I am angry.

I raise my fist to heaven as a protest because I believe if we want something, we should strive to get it. If we want to see change, we should first change ourselves.

It's a choice to see, to believe, to change. It's a challenge to move before asking people to do the same. Where do you stand?