Lately

Music

has been a great shift for me.

I have begun to use music as a medium to express myself. Every anger, every pain, every fear, every resentment... every emotion, I display them within my songs both explicitly and implicitly. Songs for Entangled, the Musical had pieces of me scattered every where. In some parts of some songs, those pieces surface so evidently; in some, they are like ghosts haunting every person who sings those songs, telling them a little piece of the life of the composer.

I have been reprimanded. I was expected to be moving on to other greater things. But odd as it is, I have moved on. And the ones who reprimanded me were people whom I look to with a certain degree of respect and awe, and they were the ones who so pridefully tell me to move on.

When something created has bits and pieces of you, it is very difficult for you to stop loving them, calling them into your arms every now and then, caressing them and whispering to their ears - ever so gently - how much you adore them from top to bottom.

When something create has bits and pieces of you, it would be a direct abomination - as if you were the one cursing your death and birth bed, and everything you are - to toss them aside.

You remember every bit and piece of them. You call for them. Nothing. No, nothing can ever separate you from them.

And funny how nobody understands this. Is it because they never love themselves? Or, is it because they never understand the concept of calling forth what one has made by oneself?

Discard, then, such thoughts and questions, for they are not worth pondering upon. I will - indeed, I will - keep on singing my song.

I have been accused.

No wonder there is this saying that composers and those of the arts are one of the most depressed peoples on earth, for they receive both constant superficial complements and direct non-concrete criticism.

They can do what they wanna
Say what they wanna
But I'm gonna keep on singing my song

But I am going to do what I want to. No, their words that first were daggers are not threats to me anymore. I know what I want, and through the course of achieving them, I will indeed forsake them, for they are the ones who say, "Oh, you're good, it's great to have you, thank you..." but they were also the ones who despised the bits and pieces of me.

I understand those who guard their creations zealously, for I guard mine too.

I might seem very unreasonable as I type out this never-intended-to-be-reader-friendly post. Ah, but I've never been reasonable, as much as I could recall.

So here it is.

My singing will not be stopped. My songs will live on, whether others like it or not, whether they think that singing the songs means living in the past and not moving on or otherwise, whether such actions are within their approval or not; I will indeed keep on singing my song.

Keep On Singing My Song
Christina Aguilera

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
And nobody's gonna bring me down today
Been feeling like nothing's been going my way lately
I decided right here, right now, that my outlook's gonna change

That's why I'm gonna
Say goodbye to all the tears I've cried
Everytime somebody hurt my pride
Feeling like they won't let me live life
And take the time to look at what is mine
I see every blessing so clearly
I thank God for what I got from above

I believe they can take anything from me
But they can't succeed in taking my inner-peace from me
They can say all they wanna say about me

But I, I'm gonna carry on (carry on)
Keep on (keep on)
Singin' my song
(La, la, la, la, la)
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah

I never wanna dwell on the pain again, ooh, no, no
There's no use in re-living how I hurt back then, oh, no, no
Remembering too well the hell I felt when I was running out of faith, oh
Every step I'm 'bout to take moves towards a better day

'Cause I'm about to
Say farewell to every single lie
And all the fears I've held too long inside
Everytime I felt I couldn't try
All the negativity inside

For too long I've been struggling, couldn't go on
But now I've found
I'm feeling strong and I'm moving on

I believe they can take anything from me
But they can't succeed in taking my inner peace
They can say all they wanna say about me
But I, I'm gonna carry on
I'ma keep on singing my song
Whoa, ooh, yeah

Oh, oh, ooh
Everytime I tried to be what they wanted from me
It never came naturally
So I ended up in misery, wasn't able to see
All the good around me
Wasted so much energy on what they thought of me
Than simply just remembering to breathe, ohh, oh, ooh

I'm humanly unable to please
Everyone at the same time, so now I find
My peace of mind living one day at a time

In the end I answer to one god
It comes down to one love
Untill I get to heaven above

I have made the decision
Never to give in
'Till the day I die no matter what

I'm gonna carry on, I'ma keep on
Singing my song
La, la, la, la, la
Whoa

(They can't take anything from me)
I believe, yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh
They can do what they wanna,
Say what they wanna say
Oh whoa
(They can say what they wanna)
But I'm gonna keep on
(Keep on)
Woo
I believe that they can take from me
But they can't take my inner-peace
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Say what you wanna say (wanna say)
But I'm gonna sing my song
Whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah (yeah!)

I have tons to write, but I guess I should stop here, for one who writes furiously without control is one who doesn't understand restrain and isn't worth writing anything for expression. Harsh, and general, and unfair for me to pen such a saying. But it's true, only if you care to ponder upon it.

I have, yes, tons to write about, and I shall stop here, because a new song has surfaced. This time, it is nothing like the songs I have ever written. Face It will be the first song composed not according to audience liking.

I will keep on singing my song.