Paul Leong Prank Letter

Friendships come by rarely.

For us, it has always been a privilege to have you as our friend – a very important and special friend. Though times hasn’t been long for us to go through trials and tribulations together, we – all of us – believe in this simple friendship we have forged over time. Speak about exaggeration.

This is why we planned this out for you.

Initially, we wanted to have this celebration-cum-surprise on your glorious Monday (your birthday, if you are scratching your head wondering what glorious day you had). We made plans and laughed at our rather evil schemes. However, it turned out that you couldn’t make it; such a disappointment.

Nevertheless, we shall triumph. There was no need for sulking and complaining about that babifying mangatut Paul Leong who couldn’t make it; if we want this to happen, we would definitely make it happen.

And it did happen, since you are reading this oh-so-triumphant Letter of Explanation.

This entire plan all started with the thought of celebrating your birthday.
We had wild plans (many of which, we can hardly remember by now); and finally settled with the selected few.

So, first of all, we had a rough idea of what we were going to do. Dixon, in all his carefree character, smiled and said that we (especially Jonathan, the one with D-personality) need not worry about the plan as long as there was a rough idea about it.

But when we came to know of your rather insolent inconvenience/absence due to church Bible Blast, we decided that we had better come up with a better cooler plan. That was when we met up on Monday to discuss about our evil plan.

You have no freaking idea how evil our – Jonathan’s – evil plan was. He wanted you to finish up 18 bananas since you made Su Yen eat 19 scoops of watermelon; hence the saying ‘what goes around comes around’. Yet, Dixon, the kindhearted friend (this doesn’t mean Jonathan isn’t kindhearted, mind you), begged for mercy on behalf of you, and mercy was granted. You only need to eat what you were asked to eat.

Besides that, we had to think of a way to lure you to us – without any means of escaping (curse you escapee if you dare run away!). So, that was when Jonathan’s brilliant sparkling idea came to life: book you for curry noodle at O.U.G. (Okay-la, it wasn’t that brilliant and sparkling. He was craving for it too, but he in all his magnanimousness gave it up to celebrate your birthday. So you know what to do now, right, Paul?)

Jonathan’s insistence proved to be fruitful; you were booked, and the rest is history.

However, realizing that it would be rather stupid for us to suddenly have Jonathan the driver to change driving course, Dixon, Su Yen and Melissa came out with another brilliant sparkling idea: the horrifying hospital experience.

Melissa volunteered to be the 'victim', Yen volunteered to be the exasperated girl, Dixon volunteered to be the event communicator.

The details would be evident; we just wanted you here in Puchong to be fooled.

Yes, yes. You got punked!

By us.

Your friends.

What added to the twist of this event was your insolent act of canceling our call while we sang Happy Birthday song to you and blaming our melodious and heartfelt singing instead of checking the very blocked ears of yours.

Honestly, we weren’t that pissed. Exaggeration, if your near death brain could recall, since now as this letter is being typed, your personal message on MSN states, "am half dead, or rather dying".

We just acted to see how you would respond although the old Paul we know is rather… typical and predictable when it comes to responding to such situations. (See how well we know you in such a short span of time!)

We (except Jonathan, since he is the one booking you) pretended to be mad at you, stop talking to you whenever possible so that you could feel the flames of neglect burning on your chest. Yet, people like us who have soft and kind hearts couldn't bear seeing some poor soul as you being scared to tears and hurt. We switched plan; we shall be good, then.

That was why Su Yen's smile made you think you and her were on good terms, and Dixon’s initiative to call you for a drink at Shanghai Restaurant reinforced that idea. (Remember this well, boy, that we could make you think what we want you to think, and make you feel what we want you to feel. Call us evil or bad, we don’t care. HAHA!)

So now you know that this was also somehow integrated into our plan. See how well fate has made this plan work.

Before your slow-reading eyes scroll to the end of this letter, we would like to assure you that all these done were not to upset or cause any friction amongst us. Though we may be a crazy bunch of people, we in our purest intentions wanted you to rest assure that we care for you as a friend, and that our simple friendship is extended to you at all times.

However, we hope that you won’t turn into some freaky squeaky monster thinking of manipulating us. We certainly have the ability to churn and crush your heart into pieces and make you tongue-tied. Don’t play play, we got the power.

Nah, just joking.

So, on this very 18th birthday of yours, we wholeheartedly wish you:

Paul Leong,

Happy birthday and may all your dreams and wishes come true. We hope for the best for you, not only because you are our friend, but because we believe in you, who you are, and who you will be. We hope to see you continually grow and mature and be the man God wants you to be.

No eyes has seen, no ears have heard, no mind has conceived what God has in store for you; in Him, we pray that God’s will be done in your life, and whatever that is planned for you will work out smoothly for you.

Just press on and run the race that is beyond you. We wholly believe that you will succeed in whatever you put your hands into.

God bless.

And also, get married soon, and don’t forget to invite us to your wedding dinner – this we insist. Or else, rest assure that we will haunt your life until you fall to your knees, clasp your hands together and beg for mercy.

We expect you to do the below, since you are already 18:

• Get an official girlfriend ASAP
• Ask her hand for marriage
• Have sex (Crude eh? XD )
• Make many mini-Pauls
• Give us angpau money for every Chinese New Year in gratitude of our magnanimous care for you all these while
• Thank us profusely whenever you see us
  

No-la, just joking.

Happy birthday!

With sincerity and crappiness,
- All of us -
Dixon, Su Yen, Melissa and Jonathan